Often, I like to shuffle my affirmation cards instead of drawing the first one from the top. I feel it allows me to connect with, and receive messages from Source in regards to whatever issues I may be dealing with at the time.
A few days ago, I pulled out the following card.
‘I can release ancient pain simply by feeling it‘ (‘Miracle Cards’ deck by Gabrielle Bernstein)
This card stuck with me for a number of reasons.
I am a suppressor. If Im going through things, my usual response would be to put that pain in the vault, stuff all my emotions in there until one day….
KABLOOEY!! The shit doth hitteth the fanneth!
Feeling The Pain
Along my journey of self discovery and enlightenment, I have become aware of this notion of Feeling the Pain. It entails embracing the emotions that you are feeling in that moment, crying if you have to or want to, shout if you feel that you need to, and then, gently let it go … with Love. It took me a verrrryyyy long time to understand this, and it all sort of came together for me last year. I acknowledge the fact that things arent always going to be peachy as pie, and thats ok. Its ok to have a shite day, its ok for shite things to happen, but the trick is,… to not dwell in that moment of self-pity, shittyness, resentment, or whatever negative emotion you feel is overcoming you.
Practicing this has not been easy, let me tell you, and I have far from perfected my thoughts, my emotions, my reactions and my resulting behaviour… in fact, those that know me know how much I loooattttheeee the C word in certain contexts (rhymes with shunt). However, I got so irritated, so annoyed,… well, to tell the truth, I couldnt think of a better word to describe the situation… and out it came! And if Im to be perfectly honest, it was actually quite liberating! (Wont use it again, but thats how I felt at the time). Instead of getting on a cursing bender,… I laughed. I laughed my little heart out, because it was just so absolutely ridiculous, .. how could I be upset? How could I allow that particular event to affect me in the future, when I am addressing it now in the present? So I chuckled, and chuckled … and got the word, the emotions and the shittyness behind it, out of my system… not completely of course, Im still friggin human,… but allowing myself to feel that hurt/betrayal/anger/resentment in that moment, laughing about it, and then Letting It Go … Felt goooood. And I was able to breathe.
Im not saying that every experience is going to be that easy, or that all pain is to be forgotten. All Im saying is that it is ok to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with our emotions. If you want to cry, fucking cry! Iv always had this ‘idea’ that crying was a sign of weakness (as Iv mentioned in a previous post), but since embracing crying when I need to cry, laughing when I need to laugh, venting when I need to vent, and the emotions that tag along with it, … I have been crying less! Its totally weird but super cool! and I feel that I am able to connect with my emotions and understand them better. This is a much better plan of attack than ignoring and neglecting myself and my emotions. I feel that acknowledging the presence of my emotions as it presents itself, is an essential and a necessary part of the healing process.
What happens if we dont deal with Emotional Pain?
The alternative, … is not so cool, and I understand this All too well. When we dont want to deal with our emotions, we try to replace that pain with something that makes us feel good momentarily or numbs the pain. We are all aware of this fact, and yet we do it every single day.
Here are a few things that we tend to do instead of dealing with our emotions, which unfortunately, may have dire consequences:
- Overeating/Emotional Eating/Binge Eating (Something I do)
- Overdrinking/Excessive drinking
- Excessive use of recreational drugs
- Excessive use of prescription medication/painkillers/tranquillisers such as Valium, Prozac etc
- Excessive or compulsive exercising (not always a bad thing)
- Excessive sexual activity
- Burying ourselves in work or cleaning
- Seeking validation from others on social media platforms or in other ways
- etc etc
What I do when I dont deal with my own Emotional Pain
My way of coping with my emotions, is eating them. I used to say ‘I eat like a dude’, pretending that it was something to be proud of, when I knew I had a problem and was out of control. Growing up, I was never aware of this fact, because I was ALWAYS active. Summers I played basketball, Winter I played Netball, I rollerskated/rollerbladed, walked to and from school everyday, even as a young adult, I walked everywhere, because we weren’t as ‘lucky’ as our millennial counterparts today. So I was always skinny growing up, and never understood the damage I was doing to my psyche and my body as I was stuffing copious amounts of crap food in my gob every single day.
It wasnt until I moved to New Zealand, when I turned 19, that things started to take a turn for a worse, and even though I was still quite active, I was piling on the kilos. 15 years later and this is still a struggle for me. I am still in the process of teaching myself to feel my pain, instead of relying on a quick 5 second fix, that never actually fixes anything… does it? I know sooo many of you can relate to this. What a vicious cycle. Eat crap, feel ok, feel shit because you eat crap, want to feel better so eat more crap, feel even worse, feel disgusting because you gave in, and then give up and continue to eat because well, I fucked up so might as well. Over and over and over again… This was my life. I knew that my emotions were a big part of this, but I refused to acknowledge that, or even change that because it meant that … “wait, I have to actually deal with these emotions that I really dont want to deal with? No thanks, Il just eat”. It was just sooo much easier to numb the pain with food, even though I was fucking miserable and trying to protect myself from further pain by literally covering myself with a layer of protection … a layer of fat and inflammation. Wow, its weird to ‘say it out loud’ to all of you, and admit this to you… but whatever, I want to keep this shit real.
I am still a recovering Emotional and Binge Eater, but I know that decades of this learned or adapted behaviour, will not cease overnight. It is a work in progress and I continue to work on this every day.
To help myself acknowledge my emotions, feel the pain, transmute the negative energy into positive and let it go… here are 7 things I usually do (Mostly 1 or 2 of them, but I do use the other methods on occasion).
7 Simple Ways to Release Emotional Pain by Feeling Emotional Pain
- Be present in the moment – Being aware and mindful of my thoughts, my emotions and my surroundings, has been the ultimate healing factor for me. I ask myself a series of questions like, ‘Is this Ego thinking/talking, or is it Higher Self?’, ‘Will reacting to this feeling improve the situation or make it worse?’, ‘Is this person who is provoking this emotion reallllllyy doing it purposefully, or are they unaware? Acting perhaps with their own Ego?’ … Thought provoking questions that takes the focus off the emotion and makes me ask why it is that I am feeling that way.
- Breathe – I literally take a huge inhalation, hold for 1 or 2 seconds, and then let out a huge exhalation. I can repeat this 2 or 3 times. Usually I close my eyes so I can focus on my breathe and take the distraction away from any external factors. I breathe into my diaphragm for a count of 1,2,3,4, raising my chest and filling up my lungs, hold for 1-2sec and then release all the air for 4,3,2,1.
- Journal – I often like to get thoughts out on paper. It feels like I am transferring the thoughts from my mind, emptying it into the ink and into my journal, where most times, I am able to analyse my thinking further and with much more clarity. Being able to read the chaos in my mind enables me sift through the thousands of unrelated and unnecessary jibber jabber and get to the source of those feelings.
- Meditate – When I am able to, I like to sit outside in silence, or use a guided meditation to clear my thoughts, and empty my busy mind. Others may find solace in prayer,… meditation is my way of connecting to my guides or to source, and I always find it to be one of the most beneficial and nurturing remedies for me.
- Exercise – Usually this is in the form of cardio such as a walk or run, or I will do some yoga. This allows me to channel my thinking and change my mindset. Others might prefer more physical exercise such as boxing etc which is fine, I just find that calming and low impact exercise works well for me.
- Crying – Yup, embrace the waterworks. There is nothing like a good frigging cry! Feeling that pain, embracing it, and then releasing it, literally into little tiny droplets of energy that leaves our bodies. For me personally, I feel a massive release, like a weight has lifted off my shoulders once the tears leave my eyes. Not to get too airy fairy on you, but most times, I do this in the shower. As the water runs down my body, and takes my tears with it, I ask that the water take any negative energy from me and my body, and be released through the drain, into the Earth, where it be transmuted into Love. Some may wonder WTAF Candice, but everything is Energy and that energy from our emotions, goes back into the Earth, which eventually ends up in our soil and our food etc etc…. sooooo basically consuming energy.. Think about it, why do our bodies feel better and healthier when we eat organic foods? Food for thought. Anyway, I ask that my energy be transformed, into that of Love, so wherever it ends up, Im sending love somewhere.
- Talk to someone – And I dont mean bitching! Talking to someone you trust, or talking to a professional about the emotions and thoughts you are experiencing can often offer a different perspective. Do try and be mindful when you do talk to others. Venting is often unproductive and it helps to be aware that energy can shift from yourself to the person you speak to, which can be draining for them. You may leave the conversation feeling on top of the world, but they will feel like they just had the life sucked out of them, and more times than none, they will want to spend less time with you. I would use this as a last resort if you are really confused about your feelings, or recommend seeing someone who is trained in a professional capacity.
These methods work for me, but may not necessarily work for you. I think the important thing to remember is to allow yourself to Feel The Pain. When you feel like you are in danger of numbing that pain, try one of the methods and see which one resonates with you in that moment.
No matter what emotions we go through, release it with Love and know that you are a beautifully vulnerable and sensitive being. I feel that acknowledging our vulnerability is what makes us human. We really dont have to be fkn perfect all the time… We were not created that way.
Love & Light